Tuesday, May 22, 2007

BILL CLYDE IS A FLAMING PLAGIARIST AND DAMN PROUD OF IT

My childhood friend, Tom Sawyer, taught me how to get neighborhood kids to do chores for you through trickery, flattery and reverse psychology. I didn't really understand these concepts, but you can bet your sweet ass that I never painted a fence.

Anyway, I figured I'd use this skill to post something this afternoon without having to have an original thought. Some House aide wrote this parody, and it was passed on to me today by a fellow who, because he works for a non-profit association representing elected officials, wishes to remain nameless (Shannon Edmonds). Enjoy.

Yet another Real Men of Genius Parody:

Today we salute you, Mr. Member Who Does a Resolution For Everything Guy.

Singer: Mr. Member Who Does a Resolution For Everything Guy!

Someone from your district saved a cat in a tree, had their 300th birthday, tied their shoe, or pooped on the toilet for the first time by themselves.

Singer: “I’m a big-boy now!”

Was a stop-light finally fixed at your county-seat’s only intersection? Well, by GOD I’d like to add all members' names.

Choir Singers: “Please suspend the rules.”

You only authored 7 bills this session, none of which received a hearing, but you DID pass a resolution honoring every member of your Lion’s Club Bowling League.

Singer: “Steeerike!”

You probably won’t be back next session, which means the resolutions department will have to lay-off 15 full-time equivalent employees. But let the record reflect: your constituent’s chili recipe is now the OFFICIAL chili recipe of Texas, Mr. Member Who Does a Resolution For Everything Guy.

Singer: Mr. Member Who Does a Resolution For Everything Guy.

By real world standards ... not that funny. Compared to the coal bill and the water bill and the cancer bill and the radiation bill ... full belly-laugh hilarious.


6 comments:

dreamer said...

For sheer volume, freshmen Watson and Uresti take the cake on this, but the individual award has to go to Dan Patrick, who got one for his friend's 38th birthday. Yes, 38th. His friend saw one hanging on a wall somewhere and thought it would be cool to have one, so Senator Dan got him one. 38th birthday.

Anonymous said...

Why not do a resolution and a press conference for everyone in your district? It worked for Martha Wong ... er, wait a minute ...

Skippy said...

At that point in the day, ANYTHING was funny.

Thanks for a break in the monotony, BC.

Anonymous said...

Nobody's mentioned that this is the beer commercial which we all remember from the Perry radio ads...

Anonymous said...

lately i've forgotten what real world standards are...that was funny...

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