Tuesday, January 16, 2007

IT'S LIKE THUNDER, LIGHTENING. THE WAY YOU TOUCH ME IS FRIGHTENING

We are in Day Two of the Great Winter Killer Storm of 2007, and somehow I am still alive.
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Billy Clyde rarely watches local news programming, but lately he's been hooked. Hasn't been a bigger teevee story than this since Tom Craddick had dinner with Warren Chisum and Dawnna Dukes last Sunday.
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A confidential source (Kenneth Armbrister) deep within Camp Perry informs me that the Swearing-In Ceremony will be inside. Not that I was planning on attending anyway. The local news anchor person keeps telling me how dangerous it is outside (31 degrees Fahrenheit with drizzle!) and that -- not a joke -- I should not attempt to retrieve my morning newspaper lest I perish.
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BC don't want to die, but he knows it's gonna happen sooner or later (can it please be later?). But a valiant fight with a rhino in the African outback seems more my style for demise. I want to leave this Earth in style.
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I made several gallons of sun tea yesterday (you gotta stock up when the storm of the century hits) and plan on drinking it and relaxing to News8Austin for the rest of the day. I have a rented a limo for tonight, and I got a rented tux (which fits me smartly) as well. For the Inaugural. To which I received an official invite, and which I am attending.
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Man, I live on Easy Street.
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This weather deal has me bamboozled. I remember spending a clear, open-sky sort of night in Hale Center. It somehow snowed and the powers-that-be forgot to close all businesses, schools, libraries, and strip clubs. They pretended it was a normal day.
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The next morning was worse. The local politician's wife (Nelda Laney) put me and my anonymous buddy (Jay Propes) into a car and drove a steady 90 miles per hour from their house to Lubbock. There was snow and ice everywhere, but it wasn't a big deal. To them. They don't get News8Austin. News about The Danger.
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Anyway, I look forward to this evening. Granted, I am not a skilled dancer. But I try. And I will look quite handsome in my rented tux, which fits me well. Folks, this will be a social function that I will actually enjoy.
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Stay warm and don't attempt to retrieve your newspaper. See ya on Wednesday, when we return to Real-People-World.

7 comments:

Miss M said...

I'm gonna hunt you down for a dance tonight. What color is your cummerbund?

Billy Clyde said...

Green.

Plus, I'll tip the DJ and ask for Miss M to come to "lost and found." It will be our secret code.

BTW, is this Lisa?

Miss M said...

Not Lisa! I hope you're not cheating on me.

Billy Clyde said...

Mindy?

Miss M said...

Not Mindy, and now you're treading thin ice. No pun intended.

Miss M said...

By the way, I was with The Rep last night and gave you big props- told him you were Da Real Man Blogger and all Dat.

John said...

I know you post a lot of BS without getting called on it, but Propes is way too decent a guy to have ever gone on a roadtrip with BC and Laney.