Tuesday, December 26, 2006

I WOKE UP IN A SoHo DOORWAY, THE POLICEMAN KNEW MY NAME

The Honorable Lon Burnam from Tarrant County has filed a bill that would restrict the cops' ability to use those Taser stun guns.

I am shocked.

(editors note: Lon Burham is NOT the same member of the House of Representatives as Leo Berman. Although they both serve on the prestigious House Committee on Defense Affairs and State-Federal Relations -- a sorta make-believe committee -- they are not the same person. Lon rants about Ralph Nader being a sell-out; Leo shoots perfectly legally Mexican-Americans and eats them.)

Representative Burnam, who replaced former Representative (and Senator) Doyle Willis, has, to the best of my knowledge, never passed a bill in his decade in the People's Chamber. He is a self-described peace activist. Also a Unitarian. So he fits right in with his colleagues in the Texas House of Representatives.

Anyway, he wants to limit the use of Tasers. Because police use them on suspected criminals and the electric shock is painful. For the record, I DO NOT want to be Tasered. Billy Clyde bets you don't either. But it seems better than the old tried-and-true alternative: Getting your butt shot.

Stop this tomfoolery (or Lonfoolerly)! We are making progress.

It used to be you were beat to death. Or shot. Or hung by a tree. Or shot. Or thrown in a river to drown. Or shot. Now we're down to Tasering, and even that is controversial these days. Maybe our children's children will only get a strong talking-to.

I'm opposed to cracking down on Tasers. This bill should be reported with an unfavorable recommendation, placed on Major State, and defeated 149-1. If Representative Burnam has his feelings hurt, fine. It's better than having someone pop a cap in your ass.

6 comments:

treehugger said...

Perhaps eventually they'll be able to tune them to the point where you just get a buzz.

Don't make me turn this knob!

Winston Smith said...

set tazers on stun! this command always precedes the death of one of the guys or gals in the red shirts. We should engage in taser research until we can actually evaporate a body leaving nothing but memories, and presumably a stink. then we can turn tasers up to 11 without sticky consequences. When there's no DNA left, there won't be any proof the poofed was innocent. As usual NOITALL, your political instincts are RIGHT ON.

jobsanger said...

I hate to disagree with such an erudite wordsmith as yourself, but I believe that Lon's a Quaker -- not a Uniterian.

jobsanger said...

Damn -- I meant Unitarian [I can't spell worth a darn].

Billy Clyde said...

Richard Milhous Nixon was a Quaker. I thought Lon was a Uniterian, but whatever.

winston smith said...

I remember meetings considering the expulsion of Nixon from the Society of Friends, (AKA Quakers). They were long and as heated as it ever gets in a Friends Meeting Hall. Nixon was an SOFINO.
Now, I'm an enrolled Unitarian Universalist. I don't know if Lon is a coreligionist. Generally, "Gods Frozen People" tend to brag about influential members. If I run into him, I'll ask him, "RUUU2?"
I love this blog.