I'VE BEEN TO RENO CHICAGO FARGO MINNESOTA BUFFALO TORONTO WINSLOW SARASOTA

There are some (ignorant) people who think Billy Clyde is not big on traveling. Well, tell that to hospitality professionals stretching from Port Aransas to New Mexico to Colorado ... and be prepared to feel silly. BC has a valid passport and has frequented the continents of Mexico and Canada many, many times.

In fact, Billy Clyde would be heading for Old Mexico this very day were it not for the fact that he forgot, until Friday, all about Lara’s 40th Birthday Party bash on Isla Mujeres. If I get my mind highly focused after breakfast, it’s possible I could make plans and leave later today or tomorrow.

But BC is no Governor Rick Perry. That dude wouldn’t touch Quintana Roo with a 10-foot pole. He likes to go to odd places far, far away. His call, of course. Actually, I think he deserves to go anywhere he wants. No skin off my butt, and after all, the man is Governor. But look at his choices over the past few months.

United Arab Emirates. Can’t really say much about that place. Supposedly has an indoor ski slope and no one there ever has to work.

Qatar. The Aggies have established something called TAMUQ there. They probably invited Perry over so he wouldn’t veto their special item funding.

Constantinople. This was probably a good trip. From what I’ve heard, it was sorta like a meet-up of the Tri-Lateral Commission and the Masons. Lots of big-time business, academic and government heavyweights from across the globe meeting to lay the framework for one-world governance. This may surprise some of Billy Clyde’s friends, but BC thinks one-world rule is probably a good thing.

First, the U.S. would more than likely dominate the deal. Ergo, Texas would have disproportionate influence over the domination – and rightfully so. I know about the black helicopter conspiracy theorist out there, but come on! What’s wrong with Texas ruling the world? Show Billy Clyde voting aye. And a big shout-out to you, Governor Perry, for helping to make it happen.

Israel. This is actually a place I would like to see, and our Chief Executive is there right now. He’s getting a big honor for loving the Jewish State. If in fact the Governor has been a gigantic supporter of Israel ... well, good going Guv. Me too. I’m totally on board. And give Bibi my best if you see him.

Jordan. After the Governor receives his big honor, he’s taking his lovely wife – our First Lady – on a sight-seeing trip to Jordan. Can’t say that I’ve ever thought of Jordan as a big tourist destination, but what do I know. Sounds better than touring vineyards in Syria or playing golf in Iran. To each their own – that’s my motto.

I guess the deal that’s strange to me is: why these places? Turkey? Qatar? Is the South of France closed? Did someone drain Venice? Check out rural Quebec. It’s great this time of year.

Our leader caught a lot of heat for going to The Bahamas a few years ago. That criticism was totally unwarranted. (Though the thought of Mike Morrissey sunning and scuba diving on the sunny white beaches is one that I REALLY want out of my head.) Billy Clyde has been to The Bahamas, and the place rocks. Jordan? Not so much.

To be fair, Governor White – who led our troops (Texas Guard) into battle in Central America – bought that fancy Mitsubishi jet and traveled a ton. Clements sold it, because his own King Air B200 was plenty good to get him to his hot spots – Forney and his New Mexico ranch. Governor Richards mainly went to domestic, rather pedestrian places like L.A., New York and the District of Columbia. Governor Bush occasionally went to his family’s compound (man, don’t you wish you had a “family compound”!) in Kennebunkport, Maine.

Billy Clyde has been to Maine. It’s nice.

Governor Perry should feel free to globetrot all he wants, to anywhere he wants. But if wants my advice – which I feel rather certain that he doesn’t – he might sneak in a trip to Brownwood, Brenham and Bonham. Or maybe Forney.