Sunday, May 27, 2007

YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITA!

CONFIDENTIAL
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
SHRED AFTER READING


TO: The Dew

FROM: BC

DATE: May 27, 2007

RE: Getting Back In The Game
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were totally correct in your tearful analysis last night. The lame attempt to put the spotlight back on the Senate (where it rightfully belongs) by having a cuss-fight on the floor and staging a week-long Senatorial death watch were, in hindsight, fairly pathetic.

(That being said, it should be noted – under the Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery Doctrine – that the House arranged a televised cuss-fight on its floor several days ago and a couple of House members are feeling pretty puny. What a bunch of copy cats!)

After careful reflection, I strongly urge you to abandon your plan to have Senators strip you of all powers and beat you silly with a riding crop in front of a large contingent of ethnically balanced schoolchildren. The visual would no doubt be powerful, but it could convey the message that you are not a “strong leader” or “in command,” two characteristics that your polling shows are important to the voters.

Here are a few ideas I encourage you to consider:

*Ninja Stars – Expertly throw a ninja star at any Senator who dares to seek recognition. This would be MUCH more dramatic that the Speaker’s decision to simply ignore House members. (NOTE: Spend some time practicing your ninja star throwing skills down at Pease Park this morning. This could backfire on you if your aim is less than true.)

*Keel & Wilson – Hire Terry Keel and Ron Wilson to be your pimps. Shed your Wonder Bread image and go totally West Coast Gangster Rap. Never say anything that doesn’t rhyme. (Why do you rise. Up into the skies? We don’t need your lies. Do that baby cries?)

*Marry Lindsay Lohan – Though she may be a little old for you ... have Lindsay make a cameo on the Senate floor this afternoon and marry her on the spot. This moves you beyond the City-State section and gets you into the cool parts of the newspapers and magazines. Also Entertainment Tonight (aka: the REAL news).

*Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em – Invite Pitts, McCall, Keffer, et al onto the Senate floor and recognize the hell out of them Let ‘em move this and that and talk all they want. Then we’ll see which chamber is getting the most attention!

*Film Fest – Old Austin hippies have been packing the House gallery in recent days, generating yet more unwarranted attention on that heathen legislative body. Turn off the lights in the Senate, provide free beer, and hold screenings of Dazed and Confused, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Five Easy Pieces. It will be like the House doesn’t even exist.

*Slip & Slide – Why is there a huge aisle in the middle of the Senate chamber? Seems like wasted space. Install a giant slip and slide and let’s have some summer fun.

*Accent – Immediately start speaking in an heavy, exaggerated cockney British accent. Announce that you are no longer the Lieutenant Governor of Texas; you are the Minister of Silly Walks. Stop reading “the following message from the Governor” and instead say, “little Chippy sent us another love letter.”

These are the only proposals that have been successfully polled and vetted through our standard focus group process. Your idea to assassinate John Sharp has proved to be wildly unpopular with test audiences and should be shelved for the time being. Also, please don’t do anything cruel to puppies; it’s a real non-starter, politically.

I look forward to your feedback. The ninja stars will be on the dais no later than 1:00 p.m.

7 comments:

texxasredd said...

Damn BC - When you're hot, you're hot! Those ninja stars are just the thing for the Christmas tree in the Lt Governor's mansion, er apartment, er...wherever the heck the DewMan calls home....

Skippy said...

Bravo, BC!
Some of the funniest stuff I've read all session. You, sir, are en fuego

Anonymous said...

watermelon viagra viagra buy viagra logo recreational viagra use does viagra work womens viagra viagra online uk cheap viagra canada buy cheap viagra soft what is viagra cheap viagra nz viagra mexico effects of viagra on women how does viagra work

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone! Who knows where to upload the film Avatar?
I even bought the film Avatar for a SMS to http://rsskino.ru/kinofilm/avatar.html , the link was, but download fails, the system will boot quite strange cocoa something.
Men, advise where to normal as quickly download film avatar?

Anonymous said...

I sell a boat-program which will help you to outwit auction and to win, initially the boat was created for the Scandinavian auction http://internet-aukcion.ru/ but now the program can work with similar auctions: gagen ru, vezetmne ru and with ten.
The program-boat stakes for you, i.e. for this purpose it is not necessary to sit constantly at the monitor. The boat can set time when it is necessary to stake, thus you as much as possible will lower expenses for rates, and as much as possible increase the chances of a victory.

The price of the program a boat for the Scandinavian auctions 20$

For the first 10 clients the price 15$

To all clients free updating and support.

Behind purchases I ask in icq: 588889590 Max.

Anonymous said...

[b]Set software LoveBots v 5.2[/b]

All for a mass mailing dating http://24lux.ru/

The script is written in php5

Features:

[i]registration, account activation
manual input captures, or the solution through antikapchu
filling data accounts:
- Gulf desired photo
- Инфы about yourself
- Diary
- Sexual preference[/i]

gulyalka on questionnaires spammer on lichku
- Randomization Posts: replacement of Russian letters in Latin analogues

optimized to work in a continuous loop
check-activation-filling-spam check ..

Updates and support free of charge.

Price per set 100 wmz

For the first 10 buyers price 70 wmz (your feedback on the software).

For shopping I ask in icq: 588889590 Max.

Scrin program:

[IMG]http://i066.radikal.ru/1002/9d/a7a68e8c96ee.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://i054.radikal.ru/1002/19/9db76967c0e5.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://s003.radikal.ru/i202/1002/24/20716e86512e.jpg[/IMG]

Flooding in the subject no! Write to feedback after the purchase.

Anonymous said...

работа В Интернете С Переводом доходы Бюджетов Разных Уровней доходы От Нефти минимальный Заработок ищу Заработок В Интернете [b][url=http://plusdruga.ru/]заработок самый лучший[/url] [/b] бизнес В Интернете Какой
[b][url=http://shtukarus.mg-s.biz]заработок на файлообменниках[/url] [/b] баланс Доходов И Расходов Населения доходы Федерального Бюджета 2011 Год надежный Доход [b][url=http://gold-million.ru]администрируемые доходы[/url] [/b] доходы Населения 2010 медленная Работа Интернета как Сделать Сайт Для Заработка

____________________________
http://www.leftfordead.ru/forum/showthread.php?p=237230#post237230
http://forum.7signs.ru/index.php?topic=7058.new#new
http://colony.samollet.ru/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=88077
http://dlegramina.ru/forum/index.php?/topic/4499-%d0%b1%d1%8b%d1%81%d1%82%d1%80%d1%8b%d0%b9-%d1%81%d0%bf%d0%be%d1%81%d0%be%d0%b1-%d0%b7%d0%b0%d1%80%d0%b0%d0%b1%d0%be%d1%82%d0%b0%d1%82%d1%8c-%d0%be%d0%bd%d0%bb%d0%b0%d0%b9%d0%bd/