Friday, March 9, 2007

STALK TO ME, BABY

Today was just wonderful.

My fancy alarm clock went off this morning to the cheerful voices of both Sam and Bob, back together again after a week of absolute turmoil that shook Austin to its core. Some narrow-minded people objected to an off-the-cuff remark Sammy Allred made about Joe Biden, the African-American Senator from Delaware and ... well you know the story.

The sissies at KVET gave Sammy – he of Geezinslaw fame – one week of D-Hall, then let him have his mic back. Having been cleared of the racial accusations, Sammy celebrated by playing his hit song "Help, I’m White and I Can’t Get Down" – widely regarded as the best country rap song of all time. Billy Clyde hasn't felt so good at 7 am in a long, long time. The earth is back on its axis.

If anyone wants 100-percent genuine guaranteed proof that the average American has the short-term historical perspective of a guppy, consider this: After kicking Sammy off the air for a remark that requires quite a stretch to be considered racist, they replaced him with (drum roll please) Kinky Friedman. Is Billy Clyde the only bloke in town who found a bit of irony in this?

The few people who went to the Capitol today also seemed to be in a good mood. It didn’t seem like the 60th Day. The practice of just closing up shop or placing a "Gone Fishing" sign on the door is nothing new. But Representative Jim Keffer and Representative Charlie Geren warrant special recognition for their clever signs posted today.

Geren’s office had a sign with arrows pointing in all directions encircling the words: "DROP BLUEBACKS OFF HERE". It would be funnier if BC knew how to do visual stuff on this blog. But trust me.

Keffer managed to one-up him. His sign read:

I’M SORRY
IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME
WE’RE NOT FILING YOUR BILL


The new members could take a lesson from Geren and Keffer and learn that you can be a serious legislator without getting your panties all wadded up.

There was free catfish in Chairman H. Ray Hilderbran’s office. Hmm. Billy Clyde was pretty certain that his personal Lord and Savior was looking down on him in a kindly fashion today. "But wait, there’s MORE!" as the UHF ads says.

As Billy Clyde was exiting the Capitol, one of his oldest and dearest friends – now a superstar power broker and mega-lobbyist – who wishes to remain anonymous (Ellen Williams) told me that one of her clients (or maybe just friends, I wasn’t listening carefully at first) reads this blog and, on that basis of that alone, has a crush on me.

Now when Billy Clyde overcame his rather rudimentary technological skills and actually launched this deal, he considered the ramifications: political alienation; career destruction; public scorn; libel suits; etc. But never, in BC’s wildest dreams (even those really really good dreams) did he think that writing this idiotic blog would result in sultry vixens having schoolgirl fantasies about The Man, The Legend, Billy Clyde.

Totally unbeknownst to me, Ellen was in the cafeteria earlier this week with her friend, the chick who runs the Billy Clyde Fan Club, and pointed me out to her. So finally, after years and years of simply dreaming the impossible dream, I have my very own stalker.

Did I mention that today was wonderful?
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UPDATE: I was sitting around visiting with a VERY high-ranking Senate aide yesterday (let's just call her LC) and we were trading 60th-day stories and shooting the breeze. She told me that the Governor was actually out doing some 60th-day shopping for, get ready for this, selling the lottery.
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I didn't think much about this until I saw in the local daily today (Saturday) that Representative Dennis Bonnen had filed HB 3937, a bill to be entitled an act relating to selling the lottery. Bonnen, who is one of the good guys, didn't exactly give the proposal a ringing endorsement. But it showed that he is polite, courteous, accommodating, process-oriented, open-minded and kind. We need more of that stuff.
---
Anyway, I think even the most casual observer would acknowledge that selling the lottery is a pretty big deal. And not likely to happen in the next 80 days.
---
I guess the really illustrative part is that even important people -- say, the Governor of the nation's second largest state -- have to spend a little bit of time on the 60th day to find a lawmaker willing to cure cancer.

12 comments:

texxasredd said...

Wow! I always (well, since you started this blog) adored you for your mind.... Are you now saying there is more to you than just your mind????

Gritsforbreakfast said...

Ellen's been a superstar ever since I've known her, which as a gentleman I'm not at liberty to say precisely how long that's been. It's only in the last few years that she's been rewarded with the recognition and hopefully treasure that her awesome talents merit.

The truth is, the state's political culture was significantly impoverished by EW's decision to enter the lobby instead of journalism, where she would have equally excelled.

Next time you see her, tell Ellen she needs to start a blog. Seriously, of all people, she'd be a natural.

Billy Clyde said...

Dear Texxasredd:

Well, I am smoking hot in the looks department. Or so they tell me.

Dear Grits:

She's probably the smartest of my contemporaries. She's also very cute and very funny. Not bad, huh?

rebecca said...

Yes, I am the anonymous person who runs the Billy Clyde Fan Club. I have to admit that when Ellen did point you out to me in the cafeteria, I didn't get a good look at you (didn't want you to notice me staring at you, as I am a sweet, delicate flower of a Southern girl and can be a bit shy in the face of such greatness) so I'm "unofficially" stalking you and for now, it really is just for your mind...since I don't know what you really look like...but your blog makes me hot, I admit.

Kimberly said...

Billy Clyde,

Trust me. The Real Women of the Capitol (not the Barbie Dolls) have their lists of Men to Stalk and the smart, funny guys always top the list. Nothing like a good mind...

So you can have yourself a harem, BC. Hubba hubba....

Kimmy

Anonymous said...

I'm your really stalker, Billy Clyde, not those fake ones that posted before me.

Sue Donnem said...

Gals, how about a gathering of the BCS (Billy Clyde Stalkers), aka the ABC (Admirers of Billy Clyde)?

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